AriKoinuma.com

So you get up, take a shower, make yourself presentable, walk out the door.  It’s just another day.  Someone asks “so, how’re you doin’?” and to that you answer, “oh, I’m fine.”

Except you know fully well it’s a bloody lie.

Secrets eat us from inside out.  We all have spots we keep in the dark — places where the sun doesn’t shine, and it’s never going to, until the day we die.  Places where we keep our ugliest, most shameful faces.

Don’t look at me like I am a monster.
Thrown out your one face,
But with the other.
Stare like a junkie into the T.V..
Stare like a zombie,
While the mother holds her child.
Watches him die.
Pleads to the sky crying:
“Why, oh why?”

Cause I need to watch things die… from a distance.
Vicariously I live while the whole world dies.
You all need it too – don’t lie.

So we don’t look so good beneath our  shirts, so we talk differently at home than what we say we do when we’re out.  So we build up our exterior, hoping desperately, that no one will find out, no one will know…. because if they do, they cannot possibly accept me….

I was surprised to get such an emotional charge to this fearsome yet harsh song.  Then I realized what the song meant to me.

If I let my walls down, if I really let myself show, that I was really this despicable, so much more wretched than my clean and presentable exterior may hint at….

Will you still love me?