30-Something Rock Musician with Wife and Kids

By Ari Koinuma on July 31, 2009

Recently I made a conscious decision that I needed to make my own artistry my top priority.

As I’ve been working on producing and film scoring gigs these last few months, and networking in my relatively new home town of Minneapolis/St. Paul, I always presented myself as a producer/composer. But my own music was kicking and screaming inside, “no, I’m more important than this!”

The truth is that my first and foremost love is to play my electric guitar and write/play my songs.  That’s what got me started on this path.

Now, the challenge is that I am a 30-something musician with wife and kids.  And just so you don’t get the wrong idea, I love my family and I am committed to being a good husband/father.  The other day I had a long day in which I left before they got up and came home after they went to bed — and I missed them.  Just after one day.  My kids are 5 and 2, so they are constantly changing.  I am glad I see and am in touch with them as they grow.

So far I  haven’t been able to make peace with a stable family life and the un-family-friendly nature of being a rock musician.  Part of the reason why I have never gone whole-heartedly after my own artistry is that I thought it would require putting bands together, being gone many nights, bootstrapping for no- to low-paying gigs and touring — stuff uncondusive to “stable” family life. So I let it slide to the side and sought more compatible forms of music career.

But I need to stop taking “no” for an answer.  I am a rock artist and I am a family man.  If the industry or the world tell me those two are incompatible, well, then I simply have to make up a new way to go about it, so I can be those two things at once.

I will continue to be of service to other musicians and filmmakers, but I have my own music I believe in (much of it still only in my head) and I will not stop short of delivering my goods to people around the world who crave the authentic, challenging, introspective and heavy rock that only I can make.

I am not sure how I’m going to do it, but that is not an excuse.  From here on, I’ll never get off this road.

6 Comments

  1. David Campbell says:

    Ari, You and I are in a somewhat similar situation. I have a wife, two pre-schoolers, house, a non-music career, and loads of responsibilities. Through your web sites, I’ve watched your endeavors from the sidelines and I’ve always admired how enterprising and productive you’ve been with your music, and how you’ve brought a lot of different skills to bear to always move yourself forward.

    Where our paths are different is that I’d long ago concluded that music would always to be a secondary activity for me. Unfortunately it wasn’t a nicely planned and executed strategy. It was a series of small decisions that, one by one, and unknown to me at the time, painted me into a corner in terms of how much flexibility I had in my lifestyle choices. That sounds a depressing perhaps, but I have no regrets as the life I painted myself into is a good one, with rich experiences and people who love me. And music is a big part of my life; just not the central part of it. I’m so lucky to have this life, especially in light of how haphazard it came about.

    But I admire that you’ve been able so far to do a good job (from my perspective anyway) of creating a clear vision for yourself, and planning and executing a strategy to get there. Because of that I have a lot of confidence that you will be able to reconcile your dreams with your realities. So, carry on. You’re a tremendous artist and, I can tell, a good family man. Have faith in your instincts; you will find a way to make it work and make yourself whole.

    Reply
    • Ari Koinuma says:

      Hi David!

      Thanks for your thoughtful comment.

      I am very happy to learn that you love your life the way it is and there are no regrets. That’s very admirable.

      David, I think the difference between you and me are pretty small. I know that you are very smart, talented and capable — and perfectly able to craft whatever life you want (which you are successfully doing). I’m sure you can be a professional musician IF you wanted to.

      And therein lies the difference — the degree of desire. I simply cannot tolerate music being a secondary activity. I feel too passionate about it. And I really believe that, when it comes down to it, that’s the deciding factor — people make things happen, sooner or later, if they want it badly enough. Making music is a do-or-die affair for me. It is the most important activity in my life. I just have to be honest about it and allow my life to reflect how it is inside me.

      Anyway, I’m glad we remain in touch. I do value your insights very much.

      ari

      Reply
  2. Juan Bielsa says:

    “From here on, I’ll never get off this road.”

    And for that reason I admire you.

    Your path is a very difficult one, but just for that your life is great; you are an example for many people.

    You deserve SUCCESS.

    Reply
    • Ari Koinuma says:

      Hi Juan,

      Thanks for your affirmation! I am amazed that you still follow my tracks even though I probably have gone off into areas outside your interests.

      I do feel a new sense of focus. I feel like I dug deeply enough to a point where I uncovered the very bottom of my desires. It’s not calculated, I feel unconcerned about my “chances” even though it does appear to be “difficult.” But when all is said and done, I just like playing my guitar and writing new songs with it. It gives me energy like no other. I just need to allow my life to change so that it more closely reflects how it is inside, with important things being big and unimportant things out the window.

      Yes, I will succeed — because there are no other options. I hope you’ll stick around to witness it.

      ari

      Reply
  3. Juan Bielsa says:

    No, Ari, I just LOVE music. So I’m interested in your path. Anyway, my experience is similar to yours.

    And most people LOVE music too. So, certainly there is a huge market…

    “Yes, I will succeed — because there are no other options.” Great words.

    Reply

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