Some problems hook me and draw me in.
Like when my computer has issues, all other concerns go out the window. I can’t really rest until the problem is resolved.
I’m feeling that way about the current crisis triggered by George Floyd’s death. Not that I can solve the problem, but I can’t, and I don’t want to, move on from it and return to normal. I just keep wondering what can a Japanese guitarist say or do in this situation that means something to those around me?
It’s really a personal obsession, I realize I’m really not being that useful (though I wonder if any one individual feels “useful” in this situation). But the truth is that I am still mad as hell and really frustrated with the sense of powerlessness that accompanies this anger. The INFJ in me doesn’t feel comfortable doing what’s been done or said. There must be some new angle, some new thought here, that may shed light on why and how, and that’s where the obsession comes in. I don’t realistically believe that I’ll be some sort of visionary who will discovers an innovative solution to the problem. But I feel the need to allow myself to spin my wheels for a while.
So here’s me attempting to connect the dot between what I’m personally going through and the challenges of society at large. It’s a stretch, it has little practical value I fear — but this is very much me, how I try to make sense of things and where I fit in the grand scheme of things. I’m a big-picture oriented person so I need to do this to make sense of things. Because when it doesn’t I feel lost. (Sorry about the poor lighting)