The original song is by Carpark North, but it’s Michael W. Smith cover that brought this song to my world. The original is great, too, MWS is a bit too slick and produced for my taste, but one twist that he added really moves me. Listen to the last chorus — and see how the underlying chords, which stay static for the first two, all the sudden move up. That moment always lifts me up, coupled with that title line. It’s a sense of relief, finally accepting that I can be vulnerable. That I can ask for help.
Save me from myself — that sounds rather self-absorbed and silly. But that’s always been the struggle inside me. There’s a scene in Lord of the Rings, where this character Gollum has a conversation with himself — and I remember being in awe how well that scene was put together, and how deeply it resonated.
When it comes down to it, I’ve come to realize that I am the only one I can control, and I am the only one wholly responsible for how my life turned out. Not luck, not fate, I made my life and I chose who to become. Sometimes I was choosing without realizing that I was doing so, but still. If I am not who I meant to be, then I am the one to blame.
Which leads me to where this song is.
This is a song about relying on somebody else. To admit and accept that I can’t do it alone. To be vulnerable, to expose my weaknesses. But to say it with full of hope, not of shame or remorse. To believe that somebody can help, somebody can love me even though I have lost and failed again and again.
It’s at once both humbling and uplifting, to come to this realization. I need help living my life, being who I can be. But that’s the truth, and dropping the pretending to be otherwise gives me back more of my life. I am grateful.