I appreciate Christa’s music because it comes across as very transparent and honest, as I’m really hearing her heart speak out. This song in particular is meaningful to me, because my life and my growth have been a long series of shedding. Things I used to do, things I used to enjoy, things I used to be addicted to — I’m letting them go as I grow older. So many of them just stop working for me, I come to realize that I don’t need them any more. That said, the process of letting go, discarding things that you’re used to having — it’s not a smooth transition. In fact, a lot of the times it’s like dragging a kid who’s refusing with all his might, kicking and screaming in protest.
Therefore, my growing older feels like becoming leaner as a character, just shaving off the excess, being left to just my essence. I am happy with what’s left, but the process is often painful enough that I resonate with the concept of renovation that Christa is talking about here. I am familiar with the vulnerability and apprehension you feel, from trusting that someone who’s molding and guiding you. Telling the little kid inside me to just trust and stay calm, when you need to put forth your naked arm to receive a shot.
Take all the time you need
Make something out of me
Even if you have to
Tear me down to renovate
There are days where I do wonder if there is an easier, better way to go. But I really haven’t figured it out. I suppose the dramas are becoming fewer and less severe as I mature, but at this point I’m plenty scarred and broken, from the long history of tearing down and rebuilding, tearing down and rebuilding again.
So when I listen to Christa sing this song, I can’t help but tear up. This is how it feels, my life.