Soundgarden “Burden in My Hand” from Down on the Upside

Soundgarden: Down on the Upside

Self-sabotage is one of the biggest obstacles in my life.  I suspect it’s also true for a lot of other people.

You think that there are external reasons why you are not happy with your life.  If you could change this or that, if that wasn’t there, then I’d be closer….

No, there’s a deeper root within.  It’s the belief that you don’t deserve it, it’s too good to be true, and that you cannot allow it to happen — because you fear having your hopes up and then being disappointed.

So you’d suppress your desires and hide your dreams to safe corners, where they have no chance to come alive — if it doesn’t come alive, then it doesn’t have a chance to die, either.

Follow me into the desert
As thirsty as you are
Crack a smile and cut your mouth
And drown in alcohol
Cause down below the truth is lying
Beneath the riverbed
So quench yourself and drink the water
That flows below her head

Oh, no there she goes
Out in the sunshine, the sun is mine

Close your eyes and bow your head
I need a little sympathy
Cause fear is strong and love’s for everyone
Who isn’t me
So kill your health and kill yourself
And kill everything you love
And if you live you can fall to pieces
And suffer with my ghost

I shot my love today, would you cry for me
I lost my head again, would you lie for me
I left her in the sand just a burden in my hand
I lost my head again, would you cry for me

Indeed, dreams are burdens and desires are like incurable disease.  They may be tucked away, way in the back, places where you don’t even remember — but they don’t actually die, they just stay there, waiting for the day you dig them out and release them.

It is a risk, it is a responsibility to let them go, because then you’re taking a chance.

But that’s the only way for us to come alive.

The only way to change your world, is to change you.