Heart “There’s the Girl” and Choosing to Do Something You Know Is Wrong

Heart’s hit from the 80s “There’s the Girl” is a question to a man chasing after a girl, asking “is she really right for you?”  It sounds like a story of someone giving in to an infatuation, knowing well that she isn’t right for him.

I’m sure a lot of us do this from time to time — choosing to do something knowing fully well that it’s not right.  We can sweet talk and rationalize anything, but in my experience our resistance gets weakened when the situation has some qualities that we want.

For example, if you’re looking at pursuing someone, you may be thinking, s/he has this or that quality — like she is gorgeous, he is cute, s/he is sweet to you when you’re together, and so on.

But if you’re honest with yourself and take the whole picture into account, gauging its “rightness” based on how it really feels, it may be easier to catch yourself going after a wrong thing.

This takes some premeditation.  My approach is to visualize the desired outcome based on how it feels — for example, if I were to look for a girlfriend now, perhaps I’d focus on how relaxed I’d feel when I’m with her.  I can then analyze and figure out what qualities in a person will make me feel relaxed in her presence, but not get fixated on it.  I’d like her to be attractive, too, of course — but that’s where the fixation may come in.  I can see myself easily going after a good-looking lady, losing sight of the truth that when she’s around I don’t feel relaxed.

To sum it up, in any pursuit you’ll want to ask why you want it, and by that be really honest about the real reason why.  A lot of the times that real reason is for us to feel good about something — but it’s easy to fall in the trap of getting fixated on some qualities we think will get us the feeling.  A wiser way to go may be to have our eyes fixed on the true goal and remain open-minded about how we get there.


  1. I am going to watch this video anout 10 times more, listen to the lyrics again, and realize I never really thought it through. Thanks for that insight. #amwriting

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