How Sensitivity Contributes to Your Loneliness

So the other day I discussed my concept of antennas, and how if some of your antennas are stronger than other people’s, you may sense/see/feel things that others may not.

Given the long history of human being, I am surprised that this sort of understanding isn’t more universal.  We have varying strengths among our senses, which means that some of us see pieces of reality that others can’t.  This is totally normal, totally OK.

But the reality is that it often leads to the folks with unusually strong set of antennas feeling alienated and lonely.  Because others can’t see what you can, and worse yet, they don’t know that you can see what they can’t.  So they deny and disbelieve what you see.  Refuse to even entertain the possibility that what you’re saying may be true, because it doesn’t show up on their radar.

Dr. Elaine Aron’s work on Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is starting to spread the awareness.  We are all gifted in different ways, and some of us are gifted with unusually sensitive senses.  But because this is not yet a common awareness, it’s easy to view your strengths as curses.

If the above rings true to you, here are a few suggestions I have for you.

  • Recognize that others don’t have your antennas.  They can’t see what you can, and that’s not their fault.  Accept this truth.  No amount of crying foul will change this.
  • If you feel resentful or angry about their lack of understanding has caused you, take time to feel those hard feelings.  Try not to judge them as something you shouldn’t have to feel.  You can’t change the fact that others can’t see what you can, but you can change how you feel about it, if you process all the emotional baggage built up around the issue.  It’s not easy but upon feeling all the stored feelings you’ll get to a point where you don’t feel resentful about it any more.  It’ll be easier to accept and forgive.
  • Forgive yourself.  It is not your fault that you are the way you are.  If you have hard feelings feel them, but after that focus on forgiving and accepting who you are.
  • Forgive others.  And it is not their fault that they can’t see what you can.  And that they don’t know or understand that.  Ignorance isn’t an excuse but yet we have to accept that it is the root cause of many things.  If we seek to understand that, and then to be understood, ignorance will go away.  But it starts with forgiving.
  • Start seeing your sensitivity as a strength.  Tom Volkar taught me to ask “what’s good about this that I don’t yet see?” without trying to figure out the answer — instead, wait for the answer to come.  Once you lose your emotional baggages, you will start seeing things differently.

Now, all of the above are major issues that take time and effort to go through.  It’s not easy.  But again, wishing for things to be different does no good.  The sooner you can accept and start walking in the right direction, the sooner you can change your life for the better.

I myself am working on seeing my empathic ability as a gift and not a curse.  I can rationally recognize how useful it is to be an empath, but I saw it a double-edged sword, as I can easily get tangled up by sensing other people’s feelings and expectations too strongly.  But I also believe in my ability to learn and change.

And I believe you can, too.  Your sensitivity is a powerful asset, and learning to wield it correctly will make positive impacts to both you and those around you.  But like all powers, it contains potential to be misused.  If you have it, then you have the capacity to use it at will.  We just have to learn how to do this.  Yes, we can do it.