That question was one of the biggest takeaways from my session with coach Tom Volkar.
It is a powerful question. It stops negative judgments on its track. With this question you open the door to possibilities that negative jumping-to-conclusions would have shut out.
In addition to asking that question, the key thing Tom taught me is not to try to answer that question. Instead, let the answer come to me. Too heavy a reliance on our ability to “think trough” and forcing positivity where there are uncomfortable emotions to be felt are counter-productive. Our ability to think logically is not infallible, especially when you are perceiving a lot of hurt and pain from what you are experiencing. The desire to just fix the problem here and now is understandable, but that may very well leave the door open for similar circumstances to arise in the future.
First, fully feel the feelings that’s generated. That may not happen in one sitting, but make yourself open to feel it as long and often as it takes until it’s all processed. Then engage in an activity that puts you in a better frame of mind.
The real answer will come when you are ready.