One Toe in Bliss

This is exciting. I am starting to get glimpses of what it’s like to feel bliss.

My 4-week break turned out to be a period in which I was told 😅 to learn how to simply “be” and not put so much value on “do.”

I encountered then processed and integrated many different emotional baggage from the past. I’ve been doing that for a few years now, more intensely the last 9 months. I feel like now I am turning a corner. It’s probably not the kind of thing where you’ll achieve 100% free and clear, but you start spending more and more time being free at 80-90% clearance.

And I do mean that word, “free.” When you don’t have fears, resentments, griefs of the past hounding you constantly, you feel free. It is a new sensation for me, but I’d use words like calm, serene, content, peaceful, to describe it.

You are free because in this state, whatever happens in life, you are able to make of it whatever you want. I spent half day Friday in bed because my craniosacral therapist released some cache of fear from my hip bones. My hips felt like jello and I was super lethargic. I did not get frustrated with this sudden drop in productivity. I just rested, accepting this change of plan without fuss.

It isn’t some high, elated, excited feeling. But this experience is so delicious. I don’t feel worried about the future. I don’t wish for the past to be different. I just simply exist. Everything is what it is. I don’t “need it to be different, though there are some thing I look forward to changing. To make them “right-er”. But it feels like a fun challenge when it’s not driven by desperation of fear or uncontainable rage.

I’m not there all the time — I still get toppled easily, more baggage keeps coming up. Not ready to declare victory and enlightenment. But I feel like a new world is opening up.

I know it’s hard to imagine what it’s like, if you’ve never been here. I couldn’t have imagined it myself, just a few weeks ago. But now that I have a toe in it, I am just overcome with the desire to share this with everyone who is struggling. I know it’s work that each of us has to do inside, nobody can do it for you.

But I’d do anything to help you along your path.