You Can’t Leave Behind What You Hate

You can’t leave behind what you hate.

OK so that’s not a literal statement. You can leave behind any specific thing or person that you hate.

But the experience of hating that thing or person? It will continue in one shape or form, even as you try to leave behind a specific instance of it.

Here is why.

Hate is a state of anger toward something that is not resolved in you. You don’t hate what is no longer a problem for you, right? You hate it because it presents an un-resolution. And you can’t truly leave behind what is not resolved.

By “resolved” I don’t mean the problem being solved, the situation improving, or the person changing. It needs to resolve emotionally inside you. It’s more like acceptance, making peace.

Did I make peace with the fact that my father died from ALS at age 61? Yes I did. Have I made peace with the fact that I live in a world where more people disagree with me than agree? Hmmmm.

In that latter case, I can leave behind specific person with whom I can’t agree. But if I hate that experience of being the presence of such a person — guess what happens next? The world has more people who can present that situation. I will soon encounter someone else to hate.

We can’t fight hate with will power and determination. We let go of it through acceptance and making peace. We don’t change the thing we hate. We change our experience of it.

If I keep the hate the underlying issue remains. Like a forgotten or procrastinated homework without any deadlines or expirations. As long as our perception, our lens of hate stays with us, we will continue to encounter situations that we can see through that lens.

So how do we leave behind the hate? It’s like any other feelings. We feel it until we feel it no more. In a private space, embrace or embody the hate. Cuss, throw a tantrum, write a hateful letter. Have at it until the hate loses its energy.

And the thing is, once we get over the hate, it becomes easier to resolve a situation, too. Hate gives some energy but ultimately it creates more distractions than solutions.

I really wish if it wasn’t true, but this has been my experience. You can’t truly leave behind what you hate. Until you leave behind the hate itself.