One of my favorite features of my current home is these big south-facing windows. With a big enough ledge to function as a window seat. I lay on it and soak up the sun when it gets sunny.
Light is a funny thing. Light makes things visible. So lights on you make you more clearly seen.
Light is often used as analogy for positivity in life. Who doesn’t want clarity and visibility? You’d think it’s better than murky and unknown.
But yet many people are uncomfortable with lights shining on them. Being lit makes you more visible. What will light reveal? Clarity sounds good but what if what becomes clear are your flaws?
Positivity is a risk. If you don’t have your hopes up, then you don’t open yourself to letdowns. It can feel safer to stay in the familiar, in the dark. It is easier to long for light from the shade, than to actually step into the light. It’s easier to stay invisible, even when we desperately want to be found and seen.
It’s all understandable and reasonable. There is nothing wrong here. But it is useful to know this:
When you reach out for what you really want, it can feel scary. Reaching out for more positivity in life is risky. It can make you feel worse at first.
And that’s OK.
As in, you are not doing anything wrong.
Just step into the light. Your fear may start screaming in your head, “what are you doing? What if people actually see you?” but sit with it. It may take some time but it gets easier.
Along the same lines, whatever it is that you desire in life, if you want it for real you have to go for it. Just know that it may feel worse before it gets better.
As for me, I am aware that my leisure of laying in the sun makes me visible to the passersby. I am not thrilled to be visible in that private state. But I want to enjoy my moment in the sun, so I’m taking the risk. Whatever it is that can be seen then, I’m working on getting OK with it.