Making art can feel silly and indulgent.
Recently I scrapped about 5 hours worth of bass and vocal takes, because I felt that the tempo wasn’t right. Tempo is a funny thing, how you feel differs depending on my energy level. If I feel tired it feels too fast and if I’m feeling energetic it feels like it’s dragging.
Oh believe me, I asked myself over and over, “really? Are you sure?” I slept on it and the answer was yes, it needed to be done.
The words I use to describe musicmaking are likes of “rewarding” “fulfilling” and “worthy of my time.” It feels a stretch to call it “fun” or “a good time” although there are a lot of that also. But it can also be maddening and frustrating. And it’s most definitely not easy.
I’m of belief that what draws us in life is not fun or a good time, but the right kind of challenge. Something not too easy but not impossible, some that’s just hard enough that you have to give it all you got. Actually, it is a good sign if it scares you. You may put it off but the voice inside keeps nagging, hey, you really want to tackle that, don’t you?
There are many phases in my life where I told myself, no, I don’t need to do it. There are things that are easier, more attainable, even more rewarding.
But nope, it never let up. Some dreams should die but others never do no matter how hard you try to kill them. I survived the eras without this activity, but it was just that, surviving. Now that I am doing it all the time, I feel more alive than ever.
So making art can feel silly and indulgent. But some of us, well, we are not fully alive unless you’re doing it.
And that’s the real reason why I’m doing this.
Because I need my life to be more than just surviving.