Shedding Fear

A couple of weeks back, I got sick for a few days, which was followed by a few days of depression. Apparently I was processing something, because when that lifted I felt different, changed.

Before, I did many things out of fear.  Posting on SNS was one example. I was afraid that if I didn’t show up I’d be forgotten and all my relationships will turn stale. And I no longer feel that fear. That motivation is gone.

I started this year with the goal to record and release music on a regular basis. And I did that for the first quarter. Two songs per months. But fear was the driver of that pacing. Showing up at a regular interval is one of the best practices. I was afraid that my music career would not grow if I didn’t do that.

That may still true, but fear of that is now gone.

Instead, I started working on a concept album that I wrote last year.

I started recording it but put it on shelf, feeling the need to focus on singles at first. To build my chops up, so that I would increase my chances of doing justice to a larger work.

Apparently I’m ready for it now.

I have this immersive, intense personality. Once I get into something I develop a tunnel vision and lose interest in other things. Doing covers, making a minute-long short videos, blogging, all are taking a back seat. Every day I just think about the album. And that thought makes me feel energized. I am making something, because I am excited to make it. Not because I am afraid of something that will happen (or not happen) if I don’t make it.

So friends, I may become a bit more sporadic on social media. I’m still around, I want to stay in touch. But my life is revolving around one thing now and that’ll probably be all I talk about, until it’s done.

The other thing I will say is that don’t underestimate our capacity to change. Things you are afraid of, stuff that worries you, thoughts that make you angry or scared or stressed — they don’t have to stay that way for the rest of your life. Set an intention to change, and wait for the path to be revealed. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk more about what happened to me and how it can apply to you.